This is dedicated to someone, to someone whom I don’t know by name, but I very well know by face, more precisely by looks.
In the same way I am so much ignorant about you, I guess you must be too, about me, but am not sure enough, because I don’t know what all you know about me. It’s a bit discomforting for me to address you without a name, well; Mr. X or Mr. Y would surely serve my purpose but let me make it more cordial, what do you say? It’s really tough to think of a name for you, it would have been better if I had known your actual name. I am giving you a name for the time being, i.e., till I catch your real name,’ Ronnie’.
There’s nothing much in why I gave you this name. One reason is I don’t precisely know anyone with that name, and secondly, the name resembles the name of someone in a novel I have just completed reading. Yes, Ronnie I read novels a lot and I love to read, but that’s just one feature about me, you need to know much more.
I don’t know whether you know my name or not, so, I am Aaliya. I don’t think I need to explain how I look physically because you know it very well, having seen me so often. Well am tall enough for a girl, 161 cms from the floor, and weighing 50kgs, perfect. You see Ronnie, Aaliya always wish to remain in perfect shape and size and do keep worrying about putting on weight. But lately, I have stopped thinking that way. So that’s about me again.
You must know what Aaliya thinks about you. To be frank, she doesn’t think anything about you. You might think am lying but that’s the truth. Aaliya doesn’t have time to cook up stories about people whom she barely knows. Please note Aaliya and me are the same person but I wish to call myself by my name and treat Aaliya as a separate individual. You might think ‘am I nuts?’ But the truth is I love myself a lot and I wish to give myself all due respect and individual space. I would be doing the same with you too whether you like it or not. It might be something new for you but you will get used to all this crazy ‘Aaliya stuffs’ very soon.
I truly don’t know why I am telling you all this, literally writing it all down for you Ronnie. Also there is no guarantee that I would write for you for a very long time. It depends on my mood and my interest. Aaliya can gain and loss interest very soon. It doesn’t even matter if you don’t listen to all this, because Aaliya doesn’t expect much listeners. She just says whatever she feels like. She doesn’t bother what others think about her. As a result, she doesn’t have many friends. The truth is she doesn’t give everyone that position. I already mentioned she is a separate individual, a true free bird, but much coveted by many.
Hearing all this you must be completely lost. So am not disturbing you further. I will tell you the rest tomorrow.
Aaliya wishes you ‘Goodnight’, Ronnie.
It’s a long time since I wrote anything to you, Ronnie. Literally it’s a long time since I have actually written anything. I don’t exactly know why I refrained from writing for this long. But now that Aaliya is all set to writing again, let the gap not bother you.
Finally I know something about you. It’s just a word but it means a lot to me. I know where you are from and I have come to know it from you, by actually asking to you. The guts of Aaliya must really be praised! Well that has been the only development in these many days, nothing else to tell of course except that I have completed reading another novel, ‘The secret of the Nagas’. It’s a very good book, pick it and read if you have the time and patience for the same. Well am not going to enumerate about it anyway.
You should know what makes up my day, precisely a regular weekday. Waking up early in the morning is really very tough. Somehow I have to cope up with it since I should provide space for my roommate after my rounds of activity. Forgot to tell you, Aaliya stays in PG, a word so common in the city of Bangalore that even a school kid would know that it stands for paying guest. You would surely know about it as you hail from this city itself.
Life in a PG is completely different compared to living at your own home. It can’t be explained completely through words alone but let me give it a try, ‘what do you say?’ First and foremost you have to pay for the stay, nothing comes free. Pay might include electricity, water, with and without food. I don’t pay for food though. Secondly you got to share your space with the most unexpected person usually a stranger if you don’t book your room along with someone you know beforehand. Well, I’m fortunate enough to share the room with someone I know personally so it’s not a big deal as of now. When I hear tales of others, especially my colleagues at work, finding it hard to make both ends meet with theirs’, I’m really grateful to my roommate, a sweetheart.
So I wake up by 6:30am even though I love to set the alarm at 6:00 and then snooze it again and again till I realize the fact that one more snooze would leave me late for work. Stretching my hands wide open, I take in the fresh air. Aaliya doesn’t pray usually but meditates in silence for a while, ‘hope it’s a very good day’. Open the door to the balcony and enjoy the cold wind blowing against the face, ‘wow it’s really amazing’, when you feel the air that sustains you and all life forms of the planet. Aaliya always get mesmerized by the nature, it’s strange and different beauty, and well that’s a different perspective.
Turn on the geyser and keep the taps running to ensure warm water fills up the bucket. In the meantime, Aaliya continues to enjoy beauty of nature. The winds are pretty cool so she always prefers a sweater in the mornings. Now the water is filled, take a bath and change costumes to something that is suitable to office. You must be wondering why I’m getting ready so fast, isn’t it? Two valid reasons, one, to give space for ‘roomie’, secondly, must have breakfast from office so must start pretty early. You must have already noted that I usually have from my office, well our office!
What I’m going to tell you next might not interest you much Ronnie, its typical girly matters but still you have the right to know, perhaps it’s your duty to listen to all of this. Wait a while.
Hey, Ronnie, sorry to call you that again, because I now know a great lot about you, your name, your likes, dislikes, interests and a lot of personal information. But Aaliya isn’t going to address you with your real name. Aaliya has her own reasons for that. She doesn’t expect you to read any further but Aaliya will continue to write, to her imaginary Ronnie, how long…who knows, who cares?
When Aaliya started writing to you, she used to say she doesn’t think about you, but now she does, always, round the clock. You should know, she respects you a lot now, much more than you expect, and you position in her mind will always remain unaltered, it’s best if you realize that. She is hurt very badly but Aaliya has her own ways to cope up with any hell. After all, she is bold and intelligent (Sorry Ronnie, that’s how you described Aaliya) and as she has already mentioned to you her favourite quote ‘Come what may, the world is not gonna end today’, so she will survive, no matter what you do.
Let me come back to the daily routine in the mornings after bath. You see Ronnie, there are a lot of cosmetics available in the markets belonging to different brands and serving different purposes, or must I say that claims about doing so! Well, some brands are rarely known while some are very much coveted, but when you look at the price, you loss all the interest you ever had in them. And all of them come in different shapes, colours, odours etc etc…The wide range of varieties and their variants are almost amazing to the eyes, Aaliya marvels at the creativity and imagination that has gone into creating them all.
Don’t think that Aaliya doesn’t use any of them just because she doesn’t believe in their effectiveness; she does use some specific brands, Vaseline body lotion, Nivea face cream, Eternal Love spray, Streetwear lip gloss and eyeliners, just to mention a few. These are after baths obviously. So after applying on all these, Aaliya might appear a bit good-looking, or so she feels. Anyway she is proud of how she looks, so majestic, and that’s what really matters, isn’t it Ronnie? Isn’t that what attracted you? Anyway, it doesn’t matter anymore, does it?
So once everything is set, brush up the hair, tie up into a pony tail, one more look into the mirror and then she is off, off to where she likes to be the most, office!
Mea culpa, mea culpa, mea maxima culpa. What else can I say for the consequences that I face today? Ronnie, Aaliya saw you today. More precisely she saw you looking at her and then ignoring her. That’s what hurt her more and more. She just can’t understand why you can’t face her direct but you can still talk to her. How can you be so rude Ronnie, at someone whom you have liked a lot? Or is it just a camouflage, to hide what you feel truly, madly, deeply….Aaliya hope it is.
I wanted to explain how I feel at office daily. I really love the work I do even though I stretch a lot, strain my neck and grumble to leave early. You must have always seen me as a very happy bird; of course I do remember how you described my smile as very beautiful. I honestly don’t think that Aaliya can retain that innocent smile anymore, because if she tries now, it would be just pretence.
I don’t think you will ever forget the corner where I sit in my ODC (offshore development center). How many times have you come, Ronnie, to peep in whether I’m present or not? Not anymore I guess, isn’t it? Well, it’s a very good location because it offers you the best view of the whole place. Every nook and corner is completely visible. I can’t go on to explain how I enjoy the view and all right now, maybe some other day, a day when Aaliya becomes happy again.
How bad can a day go? It’s not anything bad about the day, Ronnie. It’s about how bad you can feel and that feeling; it does influence your work a lot and in everything that you do, it gets reflected. You might even know how it is but for Aaliya it was the worst day in her whole work life. She was really frustrated with the work or what to say her mood? It’s like this, you start feeling that you are all alone, everyone has left early and you are the only one working or straining. But the truth is most days you are ready to sit up even more and complete your work and become the true perfectionist. Well, not today, anyway.
So the root cause for this attitude is of course not the work burden but the mindset, the depressive mood. And you are the cause Ronnie, maybe or may not be, but that’s what Aaliya feels. You could be a little more lenient or a little more compassionate, I know you have got a hundred reasons to justify yourselves but you know life is not always about justice, it’s about emotions too. It’s not the brain alone, but even the heart is involved. The worst feeling that you can ever experience in your life is being ignored by the person from whom you really want to hear a single word of comfort and that very instant that person becomes the busiest person in the universe having no time for you anymore.
Aaliya isn’t complaining Ronnie, but you ought to know how she feels because of the way you act right now. She knows very well that you are also hurt a lot and she hopes that you cope up well to the current situation. It takes time, Ronnie, to heal the wounds. Aaliya wishes that they heal soon.